Book Review: The Case of the Fickle Mermaid

The Case of the Fickle Mermaid: A Brothers Grimm Mystery by P.J. Brackston
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Gretel (yes, that Gretel) of Gesternstadt is off on another case. This time she travels far from her home in Bavaria to help Captain Tobias Ziegler of the “cruise ship” Arabella and solve the mystery of his missing sailors. A mermaid’s song has either scared off these superstitious nautical types for good or the siren has lured them to their deaths. Whatever the cause of the Arabella’s missing mates, Gretel grabs the chance for a luxurious cruise and a bit of much needed cash to boot. She packs her numerous clothing trunks, personally carries her most divine and expensive wig, and forces her brother Hans to act as her porter and bodyguard.

Alas, the Arabella isn’t the glamorous cruise ship Gretel thought it would be. She and Hans are forced to share a cabin no bigger than a closet with a smelly “mer-hund”. Hans is tormented by his “old love” Birgit who still has it in for him. Captain Ziegler looks vaguely familiar to Gretel in a nefarious way. And what’s up with the proper and grim quartermaster Herr Hoffman? Gretel wonders if the rival cruise line owner, Thorsten Sommer, isn’t behind the mysterious mermaid’s song. Why oh why does her own fancy, the dashing Uber General Ferdinand Von Ferdinand, have to be aboard the Fair Fortune with the stuffy Baroness Schleswig-Holstein cruising nearby? When the Arabella’s chef is found murdered in a lifeboat aboard the Fair Fortune, Gretel senses perhaps it isn’t a business rivalry or a mythical creature behind these crew disappearances.

The Case of the Fickle Mermaid is the third book in P.J. Brackston’s “Brothers Grimm Mysteries” and is part cozy mystery, part comedic-masterpiece and part fairy tale. Gretel uses her sharp wits and her voracious appetite for both food and life to sift through a cast of suspects who will make you split your sides with laughter. There’s the fickle mermaid, of course, along with the bird-obsessed Dr. Becker, the inept henchmen Cat’s Tongue and Pustule, the drunken culinary genius Frenchie (who takes Hans under his wing and teaches him even more about food), and a naughty sea sprite that no one but Gretel can see or talk to. This is the perfect book for the mystery lover who enjoys a happily ever after tale along with a little murder and mayhem along the way.


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I Pirated a Book

 

Sponsored by 50 Shades of Great(ness)

I Pirated a Book

Lyrics by Cindy A. Matthews (Sung to the tune of I Started a Joke by the Bee Gees)

I pirated a book

Which started the author crying

But I didn't see

That the joke was on me, oh no

Downloaded the book

Which started the hackers laughing

Oh, if I'd only seen

That the pirates had me

I looked at my files

Running my hands over my eyes

I fell out of my chair

Hitting the screen from things that I'd seen

‘Til my machine was fried

Which started the hackers laughing

Oh, if I'd only seen

That the pirates had me

I looked at my files

Running my hands over my eyes

And I started to cry

Hitting the screen from things that I'd seen

My device’s totally fried

Which started the authors writing

Oh, if I'd only seen, oh yeah

That the pirates had me, oh no

That the pirates had me, oh…

(Copyright 2015 by Cindy A. Matthews. Please do not re-post without my permission. With apologies to the incomparable Robin Gibb. Can’t you just hear him singing this in his emotion-filled falsetto?)

Why this filk of a classic Bee Gees’ song? The idea came to me one evening after a fellow author shared a link to a book pirate site where thousands of books (ebooks and print)  were being pirated. Guess what? Every single title that I had ever published (fiction, non-fiction, and children’s) was being pirated there. From my dwindling sales, I never realized how popular I was!

If you don’t know what “pirating books” (or ebooks, films, songs, etc.) means, it means that someone or some group of persons has stolen the electronic files of my books and were posting them without my permission or my publishers’ permission. Stolen books given away for free don’t make the author any royalties. This means the writer/publisher isn’t getting paid for the stolen copies. This is lost revenue that the government never gets to tax.

And before you make the argument that libraries “give away free ebooks all the time,” remember that libraries pay for their ebook copies. The library has purchased the rights to have the ebook on their electronic shelves for check out for certain number of downloads, and then they have to repurchase the ebook—like a worn out print book would need to be replaced. You can see that pirate web sites and libraries aren’t the same thing.

 To put it bluntly, pirate web sites aren’t legal and pirating books is outright theft. You wouldn’t walk into a Wal-Mart, Penney’s or a Target store and start jamming things into your coat pockets and walk out without paying for these items, would you? That sort of activity is called shoplifting, and when they catch you doing it they arrest you. The same goes with ebooks…They should be bought and paid for via legal channels, not stolen or pirated and given away without the expressed permission of the authors/publishers. (If you don’t get caught with the pirated materials, they can’t prosecute you, right? Read on and find out how you'll be punished. It’s worse.)

So, what does ebook piracy mean to me as an author? It means that people feel they can steal from me and other authors with impunity. Pirated books aren't counted as sales by my publishers, so I don't get paid for these lost copies. Authors are being robbed every minute of every day, and it's almost impossible to stop. Once you tell the pirate site to stop listing your books illegally and to remove them immediately, two more will pop up in its place and do the same. It's never ending. The only way it will stop is if readers will voluntarily stop pirating books and sharing pirated books.

Now you know why I don't write more books—I can’t afford to do so. I have to work several jobs to keep the heat on in the winter and food in the pantry. I hope you realize how hard things like this hit home to a struggling author. My books are obviously good enough to steal, but you don't want to support me in my career, huh? How would you feel if you were a carpenter or a hair stylist or painter and people came to you and wanted free products and services? You'd be upset. You wouldn't be able to support your family if people expected free things from you constantly and refused to pay you for your time. It’s no joke when people rob you, is it? 

Same here. 

Think before you pirate. Support your favorite authors—and your starving friends who are authors. Buy our books! I promise it will be worth your while. How so?

Recall what I mentioned earlier about shoplifting and punishment… When you think about it, you pay on average a couple of dollars (usually less than ten bucks) for an ebook file purchased from a legitimate web site, right? If you think that’s too expensive, think about all the wonderful viruses/trojans/and phishing scams that will be downloaded directly to your computer or computing device whenever you download an ebook from a pirate web site. 

Yes, you can receive a lot more than just a “free” stolen ebook installed onto your device! For example, the pirate site where I found my books listed recently was riddled with malicious viruses according to several knowledgeable sources. It was riddled with things that can hack into your computer and steal personal information such as your credit card numbers, address, social security numbers… Identity theft, anyone?

Pirated ebook files are far from clean or safe, and your computing device will pay the ultimately penalty when it seizes up and fries as my song says. It’s only a matter of time. “There’s no honor among thieves,” as the old saying goes. Every pirated download is like engaging in unprotected sex with a stranger, and the next virus could prove deadly. How much money will it cost you to fix your virus-riddled computing device? Hundreds of dollars or more, and in the end, you might simply have to throw it out and replace it. Talk about expensive!

And all because you wanted to steal a two dollar book instead of purchasing it through a legitimate site… The joke is on you, and the malware hackers are laughing their butts off all the way back to China, Russia, North Korea or wherever their thieves’ den may be located. You fell for their bait!

Feeling smart now?

Remember: Friends don’t let friends download or share pirated books. Not if they want to remain friends, that is. Don’t let your song become a sad one—resist ebook piracy.

You can legally pirate this book. I'm giving it away FREE.

 

 

 

 Click on this link to download.

Welcome to Nerdvana!

 

Doctor Who, Star Trek, MST3K, Babylon 5...So many fandoms, so little time!

It's like...Nerdvana.

A place where only a science fiction/fantasy fan would dare to tread...A room full of photos and original artworks and figurines and statuettes and autographed books, cards, pictures and even comic books. Yes, it's my new office. And I love it.

It's Cyberman vs. Dalek in a War of the Worlds!

I am a card-carrying nerd. I even have the fan club card to prove it! I actually belonged to the original Findlay College Sci-Fi Club. I'm not sure if the club is still in existence, but the school is now called "University of..." and has a lot more students, so perhaps they have an anime club at the very least? It would be nice to find out if they're any Whovians attending currently.

And I have proof of being a nerd since...forever! Notice my 8th grade card. All A's and nice comments in English and Social Studies. Okay, I got a B in P.E. Yeah, I showed up to gym class, but I was probably bored out of my gourd most of the time and sat in the corner reading a book--a classic sci-fi novel probably. (I was big into H.G. Wells and Robert Heinlein about that time.) That's a nerd for you!

Some of my original cross-stitch work. Do you remember Avon's quote from  
Blake's 7?

It's been fun traveling down Memory Lane while we unpack and move into our new digs. In the bottom of long-ago packed boxes I've found my autographed photos of Colin Baker (The Sixth Doctor), Anthony Ainley (The Master) and George Takei (Sulu). My hubby and I have had a great time trying to find places to show off our favorite SF artists' creations, too. We have three Tempest at Hazard prints from Paul Daly hanging in the office and two Jon Kaufman's hanging in the living room. Nerdvana just keeps growing and going... and even in the more "mundane" rooms of our home there's usually a nod or two to our passion for SF fandom. Because once a nerd--always a nerd!

A "Pair-of-Docs" by Jon Sies and "Little Horsie Who #6" by Michelle Rondeau. Some original art I haven't been able to hang on the wall for years. Now I have a whole room (and more) to hang all my favorite SF inspired artworks!

Where and how do you display your fan memorabilia? Do you have your own Nerdvana? Tell us all about it in the comments section so we can drool over your SF/fantasy collections! C'mon! You know you wanna... you have to... because you're a NERD, baby, and proud of it!

Trying to find Humor in the Heatwave

Getting ready for the parade...

 It's next to impossible to smile on a day when it's 95 degrees Fahrenheit at 9 o'clock in the morning. It's next to impossible to get excited about it being mid-summer when the forecast says the high today will be 109 F with a heat index of 115 F. It's hard to even think about tomorrow when the guy on the radio says tomorrow's temperatures are suppose to be worse.


I mean, my insides literally feel like they're baking themselves into haggis. How much worse can it get?

At least we still have electricity and somewhat of an air conditioner and box/ceiling fans. We're blessed compared to many who lost power in the recent storms. But still, I'm praying for rain and looking toward the skies and sighing a lot. When? When will it rain or at least cool down to say... 92 F?

 
Still, I've tried to find a little fun in all this sweltering heat. Independence Day started out in the mid-80s, so I figured I could make it through a two mile jaunt called the Webster Groves Independence Day Parade. I didn't go it alone, of course, as I accompanied the Greater St. Louis Ghostbusters along the route. We passed out candy and flyers for the upcoming unofficially first-ever Ghostbusters sci-fi con, Ecto Con.



Check it out. You know you want to... I promise, it will take your mind off the heat.


Because on a day like today, who you gonna call? I hope not the A/C repair guys but the Ghostbusters! :-)

See You at Archon...

I hope to see you at the Archon SF convention at the Gateway Convention Center in Collinsville, Illinois, September 30-October 2. Be sure to drop in on one of my panels and say hello. I enjoy chatting with my readers.  I should be bringing some copies of my funny writers' guide, Defeating the Slushpile Monster, too. :)

Sorry not to post much lately, but we've been out of town helping my mom out while she undergoes chemotherapy... Yes, she's finally able to admit to the world that she's battling the "big C". It's been a difficult month and a half for us all, but so far she's doing as well as to be expected.

But today, I'm back on my home computer and able to shout out about my latest Celine Chatillon release from eXtasy Books, BRANDI WHYNE AND HER INCREDIBLY EROTIC ADVENTURES: Chapter 7--Brandi's Best Revenge! :)

Check it out in various e-formats at:

http://www.extasybooks.com/brandi-whyne-7-3/

or http://tinyurl.com/brandi-7

Here's the quick synopsis:

In Chapter 7, Brandi’s Best Revenge, the crew of the Pulsating Purple Parsnip encounter their time bandit contact in their own dimension—Robin's ex-girlfriend, Marian Maidenform. But all is not quite as it seems aboard Marian's ship, and seducing the hunky android Andrew becomes part of Brandi's revenge against the cold yet sexy woman who broke Robin‘s heart. But what does K.R.A.P.P. have to do with the balance of power on Old Terra? Brandi and her pals are determined to find out.

To receive your very own PDF copy of "Outrageous Extended Excerpts" from all the chapters (well, up to number 6) by simply dropping me an email with "Free Ebook" in the subject line. celinechatillon @ hotmail.com


And be sure to check out Brandi's very own blog for an excerpt and more:


http://brandi-whyne.blogspot.com


Because every fictional character deserves a blog!

Something I learned today: The Mobi format works well on the Kindle e-reader...  PDF formats work well, too. Now there's no excuse not to buy directly from my publisher (for the biggest discounts) and read any of my ebooks on your Kindle device! ;)

The Buck Stops Here Because We're Mad-As-Hell

The Buck Stops Here Because We’re Mad-As-Hell

by Cindy A. Matthews

Everything seems to be going downhill quickly these days in the US economy and in the political arena. Not being a politically active type of person, I can’t imagine the stress and horror die-hard Wall Street types and party members must be feeling lately. My husband and I discussed the dire situation we’re all in the other day and hit upon what we feel is the perfect solution to all our problems.

We simply need to junk the current two party system and begin again.

As Thomas Jefferson once said, “A government big enough to give you everything is big enough to take everything away,” so we're going to do just that--take it all away. To this end, we have started a third party that will sweep the next federal elections and clean out the seriously-self-centered halls of Congress. It will be a party of the little people (not that we can’t stand to lose a few pounds, but pasta is so much cheaper than meat when you’re living on unemployment). It will be a party made up on non-career politicians who only want to serve their fellow little people and then come home to the family farm, ranch, restaurant, shop, etc. You know—the way the original founders sort of envisioned our elected representatives would be like before all this political party bickering began in the election of 1800.

And we think we have just the right name for it.

“The-Mad-As-Hell-And-We’re-Not-Going-To-Take-This-Anymore” party or (TMAHAWNGTTTA party for short) is titled after that classic line from the classic film Network. Howard Beale (our party mascot—who needs an elephant or a donkey?) was a news anchor who told everyone to go to their windows and start screaming our party’s name until something happened to fix the world’s ills.

Network was quite a prescient story, and I don’t think it’s any coincidence that the mid 1970s and the early 21^st century have a lot in common—energy crisis, pollution crisis, unemployment, corrupt politicians (remember Watergate?), trouble in the Middle East, etc. So now is the time to learn from our mistakes we made forty years ago and clean up our economy and Congress and our environment all at the same time. As another little man once said, “The buck stops here,” and we’d better stop it in case it slides down further in comparison with other world currencies.

For Mad-as-Hell president we’re thinking of nominating Weird Al Yankovic. “Why Weird Al?” you may ask.Weird Al’s parody songs demonstrates he’s a keen observer of the culture and what’s wrong with it. Even if he can’t fix everything within four years he can at least entertain us with a polka version of the Star Spangled Banner. For vice president, my hubby suggests Sarah Palin (to gain the media’s notice) but I’m leaning more toward Cyndi Lauper. “Girls just wanna have fun” and who is having any fun in a time of economic and political crisis? Cyndi may just be able to help us on this very important point. (And I like how she spells our  shared first name to boot.)

Our platform will be made out of good old-fashioned, renewable wood. We stand for clean air, clean water, clean food, clean cities, clean language on the TV and clean underwear. But most of all we stand apart from those other politicians who seem to think that pointing the finger at the guy (or gal) across the aisle from them in the House of Representatives somehow defines what “good government” should be like.

If you want to join our party and start the crusade toward sanity, please feel free to forward this blog to your friends, family and other members of the human race. Tweet it up and Facebook and Google+ it to death. We’re “Mad-As-Hell-And-We’re-Not-Going-To-Take-This-Anymore” and we’re coming soon to a local, state, and/or federal office near you. We thank you for your support.

(Editor's note: Feel free to "like" our new Facebook Page: The Mad-As-Hell Party  Thank you.)

Love is... a Banoffee Pie

Love is… a Banoffee Pie


I was going to write something deeply profound and touching about how wonderful it is when you finally meet your soul mate and marry him and share a lovely, romantic weekend together… but I won’t.

Instead, I will give you all a recipe for Banoffee Pie.

What has a delicious toffee-cream-banana-topped pie in a graham cracker crust got to do with love? A lot, since my beautiful soul mate is making one for me this very instant in honor of our first Valentine’s Day together as man and wife. And if you can’t figure out how several cups of brown sugar and condensed milk shows how “sweet” he is on me, then you need to stop rinsing your mouth out daily in vinegar and watch a marathon of Groundhog Day, The Wedding Singer and 50 First Dates.

Then you’ll see what I mean.

Banoffee Pie

1 - graham cracker pie crust (or make a crushed cookie pie crust of your own choosing)

5 ½ oz. unsalted butter
2/3 cup of brown sugar
14 oz. can condensed milk

2 –bananas cut up in coin-shaped slices
10 oz. whipping cream
some chopped, toasted hazelnuts (if you like)
chocolate shavings (if you like)


To make the toffee filling, place butter and sugar in a saucepan and heat until the sugar is dissolved, the pour in the condensed milk. Cook over a medium heat for 5 – 6 minutes, stirring continuously until the mixture has thickened and turned golden. Hint: scrape the bottom of the pan continuously as you stir. Don’t overcook it or your mixture will turn to thick fudge.

Pour the toffee mixture into the pie crust and chill one hour until firm.

Slice bananas and place on top of the toffee mixture. Whip the cream until it holds its shape and pile on top of the bananas, then decorate the top with chopped nuts and chocolate shavings as you like. Enjoy!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Winning Resolutions

Two silly authors mug at the camera on New Year's Eve



Happy 2010 everyone out there in blogland! I admit to being slow getting around to making my list of things I want to accomplish this year. And I have the same ol’ excuses as last year—no time, day job, stress, too much on my plate, etc. If I can suspend reality for a moment and pretend that everything in my “real world” is going smoothly, I can focus my thought processes on the important stuff—that is, creating romantic fiction and sharing it with my readers.

So without further ado…

1. I resolve to have at least one book release this year.

2. I resolve to write at least one new story, screenplay, novel or novella this year.

3. I resolve to keep up better with my online blogs, forum, newsletters, My Space pages, Facebook and Yahoogroups. (If I can ever figure out Twitter, I will try to keep up with that one as well!)

In order to meet these goals, I promise to:

1. Become better organized, particularly with my time.
2. Give in less to anxiety and frustration.
3. Focus more on the joy of writing rather than on the stress of not being able to make ends meet.

I’ve got at least two books coming out this year—so that’s one third of my resolutions met already!

Scrambled Eggs will be a Mojocastle Press release written under my "Cynthianna" pen name. Scrambled Eggs knocks the classic “secret baby” storyline on its head. Sharlene has fallen for the father of her unborn child--and she doesn’t even know it’s him!

Sharlene always wanted a baby, but her husband only wants a child to secure his position in his wealthy uncle’s will. A mix-up at the fertility clinic reveals his hypocrisy, prompting a pregnant Sharlene to strike out on her own.

Single Sharlene “runs into” struggling part-time college student Zack and falls for him. Will Zack love a child that isn’t his? And will Zack find the courage to tell Sharlene that he’s a former sperm donor and possibly the real father of her child before she goes into labor?

My second release in 2010, Seven for Seduction (written under my Celine Chatillon pen name), will be a Liquid Silver Books release in the coming months. It’s the story of Jodi and her co-workers in an all female office. One day, her boss hires Brent, a “token male”. Now it’s a free-for-all with every gal trying to get the guy first.

Jodi decides she’s not up for such shenanigans and refuses to play the game. But somehow it’s Jodi refusing to play that turns Brent on the most…

Moral of the story? Sometimes when you don’t try so hard you do win!

Here’s to all of our “winning resolutions” this year. Let me know what a few of your resolutions are, and I’ll toss your name into the hat for a free copy of Seven for Seduction or Scrambled Eggs when they come out. You’ve got nothing to lose playing this game. ;-)

THE TOP TEN THINGS I HATE ABOUT CHARTER HIGH-SPEED INTERNET SERVICE

The Top Ten Things I hate about Charter High-Speed Internet Service:

10.) Having to keep a diary of all the times I’ve had to call Charter Customer Service and be put on hold in the last two and half weeks. For example:

February 29—first call made for service outage.
March 2—two technicians replace cable line from building to the box on the street edge and leave it lying exposed on the grass. Next day we get 8 inches of snow.
March 5—another technician comes to fix outage and says its my modem which is a problem—I replace it with new one.
March 13—two technicians come back to “bury” the exposed cable in the grass—internet goes off for good and they disappear without a word to either me or my neighbor whose digital cable TV has vanished as well. I call and speak to “Irene” at customer service that evening and stay on phone for approximately 45 minutes. She promises things will be taken care of within 24 hours. (It’s not.)
March 16 –tech call that afternoon, the internet goes off and stays off within two minutes after technician leaves after adjusting my modem/the cable box on building.
March 17 – on in the morning, Internet goes off at approx. 1:30 pm and comes back on three separate times by unplugging/re-plugging in the modem until goes off for good at 2:45 pm. Another call to customer service where “Victoria” promises me technicans will call me within the hour (this said at 3:15 pm). No calls received within the hour—or the day. Or even the next morning... Why am I not surprised?

9.) Having to push “0” over and over at every automated switchboard prompt until I get a real live human being. (Keypad on phone now worn thin.)

8.) Having to repeat my sob story over and over again to these helpless Charter customer service reps who do not live in my city, state—or possibly country.

7.) Having to pay for Charter High-Speed Internet Service in the first place because AT&T hasn’t set up the lines so we can get DSL Internet service in this neck of the woods.

6.) Having to pay my cell phone company for the minutes that I went over my plan this month because I was put on hold so many times calling Charter High-Speed Internet Customer Service.

5.) Being promised a rebate on an $89.99 modem I got in August when I signed on with Charter High-Speed Internet —the modem that at least one technician told me was “broken” and I needed to rent one from Charter at an additional fee per month. The modem rebate (promised within 6 to 8 weeks) has yet to arrive. All emails sent to the email address for questions about rebate not answered, either. Charter Customer Service reps say they “know nothing about the rebate program” yet Charter’s icon is plastered on the web site and they provide the modem. If they contracted this incentive program from an outside source, they are responsible for it ultimately—right? Why else would you advertise it and put your company logo on it?

4.) Not being able to send doc files to my telecommuting positions as expected—missing out on potential income and creating ill-will with potential customers because I’m not able to respond to their email requests in a timely manner.

3.) Missing out on promotional activities online because I cannot get online and stay online. Not being able to update my web sites in a timely fashion. All lead to lost sales and advertising opportunities for my books.

2.) Having to buy gasoline at over $3.09 a gallon to drive to other places to use public Internet—and then finding they have a “nanny blocker” on some of these public WiFI access points so I can’t even access my own publisher’s web site!

And the number one reason why I hate Charter Communications High-Speed Internet Service…

1.) Those damn flashing green lights on the modem when it’s kicked me offline for the upteenth time in the last five minutes!


If you have a similar tale of woe (related to Internet service problems or not) please feel free to share it in the comment section. After I've calmed down somewhat, I might do a drawing for a little prize of one of my backlist books or something. Thanks for your understanding. I think I will take a Valium and go lie down now before I'm tempted to buy a shot gun...


UPDATE: I thought that the "pen was mightier than the monopolistic cable company" but I was wrong. Here's the continuing saga of wonky Internet connectivity:

March 19—Internet service works fine the day before, then goes off and on again all afternoon on the 19th but eventually stays on until my bedtime.
March 20—Internet service goes off within approx. 10 minutes of turning on computer.
Online 8:25 AM
Offline 8:36 AM
On again 9:37 AM
Off again 9:45 AM
On again 10:00 AM
Off again 10:15 AM
On again 10:26 AM
Off again 10:30 AM
Online again 11:04 AM
Off again 11:09 AM
On again 11:20 AM

I will continue to keep this blog updated until I have this problem addressed to my satisfaction, I find out where the president of Charter lives so I can throw a rock through his bedroom window, or I have hypertensive episode and wind up in the hospital intensive care. Your prayers and comments (below) are welcomed.

Updated Update:

I thought all my problems had been solved after the latest tech call on March 22, but alas no. I've suffered "mini-outages" several days now. Nothing major, but obviously the problem hasn't been fixed permanently. I do now get more "personal attention" when I contact Charter... Perhaps all those red flags on my file saying, "Mad, whiny woman who threatens lawsuits--handle with care!" is helping?

When will this all end? Sigh!

April's Fools Update:

Things have been going fairly well this past week, although I did get a e-bill for TWICE the normal rate from Charter. (I promptly ignored it. They can send me a paper bill and then we'll discuss what I owe them.) And then I start noticing the "mini-outages" again and today--it wasn't a funny April Fool's joke to be kicked offline for fifteen minutes in mid-day.

You can be sure I'll let them know my sense of humor has been stretched a bit thin...

But your comments are still welcomed and appreciated.