See you at Cleveland Concoction

We'll be a Cleveland Concoction this coming week... Will you be there?

 

My talented hubby AJ Matthews and I will be talking about writing, publishing, editing and, of course, science fiction at Cleveland Concoction at the lovely Airport Sheraton. We hope to see all our friends and make a lot of new friends over the weekend, so please, if you're in the area, come on down.

I know I haven't updated my blogs much lately, but The Bernie Blog editing and helping out with the campaign has taken a lot of my energy. I'm hoping by summer things will settle down a bit. One thing I've been amiss about is talking about our upcoming fiction release, the first in my husband's and my young adult science fiction BloodDark series coming in August from Desert Breeze Publishing. The first title is Olivia's Escape.

Beware of Book Mills!

I love my current publishers!

Writers, beware of book mills!

Things are going along fairly smoothly in life when suddenly a mistake you thought you’d corrected years ago rears its ugly head. No, I don’t mean my ex (ugly as he is!) showed up on my doorstep. That I could easily handle by kicking his butt to the curb. This mistake has to do with one of lowest of pond-scum-feeding con artists who exist in the publishing world—the book mill.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the term, here’s a quick definition. A book mill simply churns out book after book after book with little or no editing or consideration of the material. Any and all topics and genres and writing abilities are fair game because no one at the book mill actually reads the manuscripts submitted. All the book mill wants is for wannabe authors to buy tons of copies of their own books so the book mill can make a tidy profit with little effort. They may promise “promotion opportunities for only $99!” but the author receives little or no sales boost from handing over money to the book mill, and, of course, it’s a non-refundable fee. In fact, the book mill routinely bombards its authors with meaningless communications promising to put their titles in front of famous talk show hosts and radio stars, along with entering the books into prestigious book expos—all for a fee, of course. It’s not hard to see that a running book mill is a great way to scam a lot of money off of anxious writers who have no knowledge of how the publishing world works.

I didn’t realize at the time (well over a decade ago) that I was dealing with a book mill, but it gradually became obvious. I had sold the electronic rights to my novel to an ebook-only press, but I had been asked to sign print books at a book-signing. This is way before the Kindle debuted, so not many people were interested in having an e-book author at a book-signing event. Where would I get print copies to sign? An online acquaintance recommended this book mill, and from his comments I thought they sounded legitimate. The book mill agreed to the print rights only to my novel since I informed them I had sold the e-rights earlier. Win-win, right?

The book mill did a quick spell check for “editing” and then told me my novel was now available for purchase. I bought some copies for the signing, but I was very disappointed when they arrived in the mail. The print books were extremely expensive for the quality of the product. A stock image photo slapped onto a rather sorry solid color with the book’s title printed above in a standard font was the “cover art.” (Even I could have done that well over a decade ago!) But at least I had a book in hand to sign at the event. I was hopeful it would eventually sell well in both print and electronic formats.

Flash forward a few years: With practically zero print sales (none I couldn’t account for personally), I requested my book’s print rights back from the book mill and asked them to pull my title from their web site. Years passed and I never heard a peep from this company. I heard nothing about them on the grapevine either. I figured the book mill must have gone out of business. I felt very relieved to have escaped their clutches.

My novel’s e-rights eventually expired with its first electronic publisher. I revised and re-sold the novel to a publisher of both print and ebooks with whom I’ve had the pleasure of working with for some time now. With fresh edits and a snazzy new cover, I was happy that my “baby” had found a good home. Everything seemed to have come together for this well-reviewed book with its mixed-up publishing past. 

 

Flash forward to a few weeks ago: An email arrives in my inbox from an unknown company saying they’re publishing my novel and that I can pay them money to promote it. What the…? Who are they and why did they pirate my book? I immediately contacted my publisher and then wrote back to this unknown company asking them to take my book down from their site. Immediately the abuse began. I eventually learned that this new company was in fact the same old book mill I had dealt with more than a decade ago operating under a new name. They claimed I had “infringed upon my copyright.”

Say what? Along with other legal-sounding mumbo-jumbo the email stated they’d “return my copyright” for a mere $99. Imagine that! Thing is, if I didn’t pay them right away they claimed they’d take me to court and sue me for the "infringing on the copyright" to my own work. Wow! (I dug out the old contract. There’s not a word about having to pay them any fees whatsoever in their contract or that they would file for a copyright on the work.)

Weirder yet, I had filed for the copyright for my novel with the US Copyright Office many years ago. It’s my book and I registered the copyright, so what nonsense is this? My current publisher said to stop communicating with this company directly, as they’re obviously trying to frighten me into paying them money to shut up. She wisely asked for the book mill’s legal counsel contact information so the two “publishers” could discuss the matter. The book mill seemed to ignore this request.

Weeks later, another email arrives in my inbox stating that I need to buy my copyright back from the book mill since my book hasn’t sold any copies in over a year. Well, of course it hasn’t sold any copies! I told the company many years ago to take it down from their site, and I’d requested my print rights back. Since the “new company” is actually the “old book mill” surely they have this information at hand and could see it was all a mistake, right? I was advised by my publisher to send them a short and simple email to the book mill reminding them to contact my novel’s current publisher as requested earlier, just in case the first email had been missed.

Then all hell broke loose.

The most unprofessional and nasty emails followed. There’s simply no other way to describe the horrid tone of these communications. Personal attacks? Plenty! I must be an axe murderer in my sleep. What an odd sideline for a romance author!

The book mill also sent these insulting emails to my publisher as well, since I had provided contact information. We can only assume they did this for maximum fright tactic/belittling effect. Apart from calling my current publisher every name in the book (how professional!) they continue to insist I’ll be in a world of financial hurt if I don’t pay them. I’m beginning to wonder if they haven’t taken lessons from either Tony Soprano or the Godfather. Needless to say, my current publisher and the company lawyer will be conversing directly with the book mill from now on.

You know what? Even if I win the lottery tomorrow, there’s no way I’ll ever pay these people. Who gives in to a bully? Why would anyone pay a bully for the rights to his/her own work? With further research, we’ve discovered that this book mill has been sued before for employing similar tactics with their authors.

A Better Business Bureau web site says the book mill in question publicly stated that their contracts don’t last more than ten years. My original contract would have ended a few years back then. This might explain why I’d never heard from the old book mill with the new name until recently.

It doesn’t appear they were bought out or sold. It’s simply the same book mill operating under a new name. Why on earth should a business change their name in midstream unless they’ve got something to hide? This is an ongoing nightmare, so I’ll fill you in on any news as it comes available.

The moral of the story is this: Writers beware of book mills! They are not your friends, especially if they constantly request money for so-called services. And never ever forget the old adage: “The money flows from the publisher to the author—not the other way around.” A legitimate publisher takes you on as an author because they truly believe in your book (like my novel's current publisher). You deserve nothing less!

Editor’s note: My husband and I will be leading a panel called “What makes a good publisher?” at ConClave 38, October 10-12, in Dearborn, Michigan. Hope to see you there!

If you're curious about my Editorial Services...

...Then please click on the link above that says "Editorial Services". I've added an explanation to the page about what magical things I'll do to your manuscript since it wasn't self-explanatory before. I thought it was completely understandable, but then I didn't have anyone edit the copy for me. That should show you how much everyone who wants to become a successful writer needs a good editor. You can never have too many pairs of eyes looking over your work.

On a related note, my funny yet practical writer's "how-not-to", Defeating the Slushpile Monster, is now available in electronic formats for the Kindle. It is available in print now for a modest sum, but I know how much some folks like to read on their e-readers, so I thought I'd oblige. ;)

You can find links to both editions at my new Amazon Author Page: https://www.amazon.com/author/cindyamatthews

The link to the Kindle edition is http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00I4IKU5K

Depression and the Writer

I received an email (seemingly out of the blue) telling me that I needed to write a blog entry on a topic concerning writers, and I couldn't recall when I signed up to do one. Sigh! Never mind, I trust that I did indeed agree to write a piece, but that my recent state of mind made me forget when I did agree to it. Since this is a problem shared by many creative folks (dare I put myself in that category?), I thought I'd share my experience with you all in hopes that I could help others facing a similar challenge. There are three points I'd like to touch upon briefly.

The first thing we have to come to agreement upon is this: Writers aren't always happy people.

Oh, sure we see writers portrayed as rich, highly successful, beautiful, and vivacious people in movies and on TV all the time. Consider the handsome and talented Nathan Fillion's portrayal of a best-selling crime novelist on TV's "Castle". He lives in a penthouse and gets to hang around crime scenes with a gorgeous detective solving mysteries. Fun, fun, fun! No wonder everyone wants to pen the next New York Times best-seller! But you'll have to forgive folks for believing that this is the actual lifestyle of writers. After all, why would anyone choose a career path that would lead to poverty, financial ruin, depression, and rejection? Really, why would anyone do such a ridiculous thing?

The second thing we'll have to agree to is this: Writers don't choose their profession--it chooses them.

Sure, there are some who decide after a successful career in politics, medicine, sports, or celebrity-ness that they'll sit down and pen their memoirs or a seminal book on the subject that made them a household name. While they may be thought of as "authors" I don't consider them "writers". Writers write out of compulsiveness, out of a need to get their ideas and words across to others. Writers often forget things such as "readers" and "editors" and "paychecks", and instead, write the book of their hearts and hope that others might agree it's the book of their hearts, too. Unfortunately, most of the time it is not.

The third thing is obvious: Writers are inherently crazy people.

Writers are artists who create images and worlds with words instead of paint. If Vincent Van Gogh had been a writer instead of a painter, his writings probably would have been ignored during his lifetime, he would have suffered depression, and his family would have thought him totally lacking in commonsense all the same. Poor Vincent never lived to see his creative genius praised in art textbooks, his paintings hanging in the Louvre, or being auctioned off for millions--hundreds of millions--of dollars. In spite of the rejection, he continued to create art all the same.

Yeah, that's the definition of crazy all right.

Which comes to the gist of this piece: Writers are special and unique people. They suffer for their art because they can't help themselves. They must write. They were born to do it. When you tell them things like, "Stop it and go out and get a real job!" you are essentially killing their souls. Because writers have to write like others have to breathe. It is life itself.

Whether you are wired or born to be a writer, you seem more prone to suffer from the ups and downs of life compared to non-writers. This sensitivity is a two-edged sword. It allows the writer to experience the world around her and describe it to others in a way that brings it to life in the reader's mind without having to be there. But the sensitive person is a vulnerable soul. Hard times and harsh words hurt ten times as much and sometimes take ten times longer to heal.

All this doesn't mean writers are doomed to always be depressed or coming out of a blue funk. But it does mean that their journey in healing the soul will take a different path than other personalities. One size does not fit all. Patience and understanding is needed. But how can we help the writers in our lives who may be going through a bad time?

The best thing about writers is that they can verbalize when they are feeling down and when they are feeling better. Listen to them. If they tell you they are feeling a certain way, then it is probably the most accurate assessment of the feeling state of a human being you'll ever obtain. Writers are detail people and observers. We'll share the details and observations of our hearts. Don't ever tell writers that they're out of touch with themselves or reality--because writers experience and record reality at a level beyond what most folks could ever dream of doing. Accept that what the writer says is reality is her reality. Because it is.

And all is not lost because of this important truth: Words can heal. Why else would many counselors recommend keeping and writing journals during a course of therapy if words didn't heal? So allow the depressed writer in your life to vent on paper, to write or not write, to try creating art in another medium, to express themselves in new or different ways as an alternative to writing. Because the creative process in any form is a positive process and a healing process. Eventually the writer's breathing will become calm and not ragged, and she'll feel more grounded in the reality the rest of the world sees as "normal", although the writer deep down senses there is no such thing as normality.

Wherever you are in your journey as a writer, keep this happy thought in mind: You are not alone. Many writers have come before you and will come after you, and all will experience similar feelings at one point in their writing journeys. Give them emotional support when you are able and accept theirs in return with graciousness when it is offered. Because only by sharing each others' burdens can we help use our words to create a better reality for all.

And I ain't goin' to promo no more! Hallelujah!

I've pretty much had enough. I've had enough of this idea that somehow writers are suppose to be their own P.R. company on top of everything else. That's why as of today, I'm giving up... Giving up being a "promotion whore" because, frankly, I suck at it and it's no fun.

You will still see me around at the various social media sites, as this is the only way I seem to communicate with friends and family these days, but I will not be promoting my writing. Uh-uh, not at all. I will strictly be myself (whomever she may be). Anything I say or do will be coming out of the mouth of Cindy A. Matthews and not my writing personas (including the one with that very same name).

This should please my publishers to no end, as everyone is saying we authors should be "pleasant, kind, entertaining and, above all else, NONCONTROVERSIAL in our bloggings and twitterings." Okay, now that I'm myself (and not a writing persona) I can freely express how I feel: 

I'm fed up with nonexistent sales and the millions of free ebooks giveways for the Kindle lately. Since I am giving up the promotion business, I will longer be in the vicinity of all these other authors' promotions, and, hence, my blood pressure will drop. I will be blissfully unaware of how lousy I'm doing promo-wise, and I will rejoice in my ignorance of all things of a promotional nature.

If you have had similar ideas of going "no-promo" or are a reader who is tired of endless authors sending out endless tweets, emails, Facebook postings, blogs, press releases, etc., touting their next free ebook giveaway for the Kindle (the majority which seem to come from the "indies" or self-published and not the professionally published), feel free to vent in my comment box below.

Now, what will I be able to do with all this "free time" I'll have on my hands? Should I actually... don't say it... WRITE?

Support Judy Mays! Support Your Local Authors!

I know there's a lot of talk online about this story, and I don't want to give those who have maligned Ms. May any more press, so here's a link to my publisher's blog that gives a few more pertinent details:

http://extasybooks.net/essenceofextasy/

I hope most readers realize why writers often use pen names in the first place. No one wants to suffer this kind of grief over his/her art. For some reason, readers will buy (hopefully not pirate) and read our erotic-romances, but if they find out we're teachers in our day jobs... All of sudden we're suspect human beings.

I'd be more afraid of my kid's English teacher writing "true crime" or murder mysteries. Do you think these types of writers go around killing folks to gain "experience" to write their stories? If you find that idea ridiculous, then why should romance authors be accused of being "dangerous perverts"? Aren't we exercising our imaginations like mystery writers do? ;)

Please support Ms. May and all your favorite and local authors. Stand up for our "write" (right) to create stories the way we see fit. Stand up for the First Amendment's freedom of speech and expression. Together we can make the world a better place.

April Showers Bring May Flowers

The sun sets over Caister Castle... and so do I.

Another month has come and gone—and I didn’t get hardly anything I wanted to get done in March, done. For some reason, I just can’t give up sleeping, eating or taking daily showers. Those sorts of things really cut into your free time, you know—especially the sleeping.

I’m not getting any creative writing projects I’ve started finished. I’d had hoped to do so during my week off, but I just didn’t have the will to write more than a few pages on my work-in-progress. I’ll admit it, too—my heart simply isn’t into writing fiction lately. E-publishers are folding right and left it seems, taking some of my books along with them. I can’t afford to go to writing conferences and schmooze with the agents and editors from the big houses, so I can’t get a foot in the door by making a personal connection. And having a foot in the door seems to be the only way to gain the big guys’ attention these days.

Everyone with a computer seems to have written a book this past year. The submissions are flooding the slushpiles. You have to do something outrageous or illegal—or both—to get an editor’s attention. Just look at former governor Rod Blagojevich. He’s done both—and now he’s got his own radio talk show. You really wonder if becoming a criminal is where it’s at for becoming a best-selling author.

Oh, well. I can sit around and mope and groan, or I can crawl back into the saddle and get going again. Since I like horses, I’ll go the saddle route.

I think I’ll put the novel writing on hiatus until I’m unemployed at the end of May. Between trying to find another job and keeping the work I have currently, I don’t have energy to write creatively. I can write a short piece here or there (like my blogs), but the stamina to keep my concentration focused for 50,000 words or more isn’t there. I have to spend my free time sending out resumes and dealing with the rejection emails/snail mails. You think an editor’s rejection of your manuscript is bad? “Sorry, but we don’t want you to work for us,” is a lot worse, especially when your bills are due.

Lots of writers tell me this phase will pass, but I’m not so sure. It just feels like that if I give up writing fiction for a short while I’ll never return to it, and that’s tantamount to cutting out my heart. The good news is that my heart is in good hands. April may bring showers, but I’m hoping to have plenty of flowers by May when my fiancé arrives in the US. Then I’ll have another excuse for not writing—but it will be a much happier one!

My Angels

Christmas is a time for angels—angels on my tree, angels on my cards, angels on my door wreath. But angels don’t only present themselves for the holidays. Even if we don’t acknowledge them, they exist all year round. Angels surround us and guide us and nurture us. How can I honor some of my “angels”—those wonderful individuals who have helped me navigate through the rough waters of this past year?

I hand-painted some angel ornaments to present my personal angels as “awards” for their love and assistance, but my poor excuse for art can never be enough to thank them for the help and understanding they’ve given me.

To Elaine (and Doris), my angels at Authorlink: Thanks for another year of work and wonderment reading all those fascinating manuscripts. Here's to a better year in 2009!

To Irfan and Alma, my angels of car repair: Thanks for helping me band-aid my 12 year-old car together for yet another year. Your friendly optimism and auto expertise have kept me on the road for a minimum of cash outlay. And Alma—your Bosnian coffee can’t be beat!

To Joyce and Jerry, my angels of understanding and moral support: You’ve allowed me to help you with your mission to teach English as a Second Language to the immigrant community for six years now. You rescued me from the hospital E.R. when I was without transportation, and given me rides to a job interview and to the airport. Your smiles and belief in me keep me going when I feel overwhelmed. A mere “thank you” can never cover all the wonderful feelings I have for you two!

To Diane, Brooke and John, my angels of vocal music: Thank you all for allowing me to sing with your respective Sweet Adelines’ chorus, Praise Band, and Festival Choir. Singing saves my sanity—I owe you, big time!

To Kathryn, my angel of DVD lending: Thanks for letting me borrow and watch your Babylon 5 episodes. I now know who G’Kar and Londo Mollari are now—and have enjoyed every minute of watching their story play out on the small screen. It’s always great to have a fellow sci-fi geek to chat about our favorite shows and movies with. You’re the best!

To Jenny and Mike, my angels of cell phones and socialization: Thanks for helping me keep connected with the world through your phone plan and through your social opportunities (and good eats). I’ve met some very interesting people at your parties… Call it “geek networking” but it’s always great to know you’re not alone in your interest in things of a science fiction nature. One of these days I’m going to see your names in print (Jenny) and on the silver screen (Mike—special effects guru) and say, “I knew them when!”

To Rob and Rona, my angels of computer repair and Thursday “Happy Hours”: Thanks for your technical expertise and patience when my old PC did the inevitable meltdown. And thanks for all the great get-togethers you’ve hosted at your place. Happy hour is truly a happy time on your patio!

To Zo and Mark, my angels of fun on the river: I enjoyed becoming a "lieutenant commander" on your float trip. May the good ship sail forever!

To Gwen and Ryu, my angels of artistic geekdom and great turkey and stuffing: Thanks for inviting me to your home last year for Thanksgiving dinner and for letting me jabber your ears off about things of a movie nature. Thanks for tips on looking for jobs in the area, too. I can’t wait to see your names someday on the Hollywood Walk of Fame!

To Linda, Sue, Sue, Barb and all my fellow writers at MoRWA and online: Thanks for the inspiration!

To Donna, my angel of tax preparation: Wow—I could have never figured it all out without you. You literally saved my bacon and saved me bacon, so I didn’t starve later. See you next April!

To Mom, my eternal angel and cheerleader: Enough said!

To Adrian, my angel of all time: Thanks for always being there for me. You’ve dried my tears and listened to my rants and ravings and still didn’t desert me. You put my feelings first and sacrificed so much to keep me on an even keel. You’re my bestest friend ever. I hope to be your bestest friend forever in an official sense one day soon, too. Love ya, my handsome man!

Do you have any “angels” you’d like to honor with a shout out this year? Leave their names and their stories in the comment section below. Everyone who leaves a comment this month will have their name thrown into the hat for an e-book prize drawing.

Merry Christmas to one and all, and especially to my dear angels.


P.S. Speaking of giving out awards, I received one myself recently—my writers’ guide THE CURSE OF THE MANUSCRIPT EATING SLUSHPILE MONSTER has been nominated for an EPPIE Award! The finalists will be announced in March. Read more about my funny, “how NOT to” book at Uncial Press: http://www.uncialpress.com/books/curseoft/curseoft.html and at my web site: http://www.cynthianna.com/slushpile.html

Successful Failures

The following article really caught my attention:

http://www.forewordmagazine.com/blogs/insider/PermaLink,guid,72a47852-5a5c-41d6-a025-c23c93bd96a3.aspx

Staggering Statistics in Book Publishing can Read Like a Stephen King Horror Novel. Is There Any Hope for Authors and Publishers?

Warning: May Cause Nightmares

Book industry numbers are cold-sweat terrifying for publishers and authors alike. According to Nielsen Bookscan, 3,000 books are published per day in the United States alone… Publishers report an average of 2,100 submissions per year, totaling 132 million submissions. Just under one percent are accepted for publication.

In the face of these staggering odds, is there any hope for authors and publishers?

The Majority of Books Sell Fewer than 99 Copies

Of the 1.2 million titles tracked by Bookscan in 2006, only 2.1% sold more than 5,000 books, 16.6% sold fewer than 1,000, and a terrifying 79.6% sold fewer than 99 copies…

I agree with the author here—these statistics are terrifying for writers. But this piece didn’t leave me feeling pessimistic as much as optimistic. I have been lucky to join that elite club of the “one percent” by having a book accepted for publication, and I have sold more books than 80% of my fellow authors apparently.

I might have misread those numbers, but at least I don’t feel so bad now that I’ve not made the New York Times bestseller list yet. Hey, just selling 100 copies of one of your titles means you’re a success. Not rich, not famous, but you are definitely a success in the publishing field. Those stats don’t lie—you are in the top of your class.

So how come is it so hard to convince everyone outside the writing and publishing field that you’re a success?

My guess is that it’s because the rest of the world operates on the idea of the “bottom line”. You make a million dollars—you’re a success. You pen a million words and sell more than 100 copies—you’re a crackpot eccentric who doesn’t have anything better to do with your time. There seems to be no winning for losing. The “real world” will continue to insist that writing is not a “real job” unless you write for something like a newspaper or magazine. Then you might aspire to the lofty title of “hack”. Wow.

“No respect, no respect…” I can hear Rodney Dangerfield now. Writers get no respect.

The recent screenwriters strike gives evidence of this fact. Fans complained when some of their favorite TV shows ended abruptly this past fall. Viewers tended to blamed the writers over the producers and agencies that cheated the writers of royalties for the disruption in the television schedule.

If only the writers would write for free—heck, they don’t need to eat or pay electric bills, right? Give us our entertainment… then go out and get a real job like ditch digging, writer-person.

Until writers can use their words to convince the rest of the world that “success” means more than dollar signs and seeing your name plastered across the tabloids in the supermarket check out line, we’ll have to learn to embrace our “failure” successfully.

Do you have a “success story”—a time where you felt you had succeeded even if others felt you had failed? How did you handle it? Share your tale of encouragement below, and I’ll toss your name in the hat for a drawing of one of my back titles. Thanks for sharing!

February Impressions

What does a writer write about when she’s not feeling particularly inspired to write about anything at all?

Well… uh, nothing. She doesn’t write much of anything. And then she gets the idea that it’s time to change the name of her monthly column from Every Day Is Mother’s Day to Confessions of a Blonde Writer. After that, she draws yet another blank and she reaches for her calendar to see what is going on in the next month.

For a cold, short month, February is certainly loaded with holidays—Groundhog’s Day, President’s Day, Lincoln’s Birthday, Washington’s Birthday, Valentine’s Day, Mardi Gras, Ash Wednesday, Chinese New Years (Happy Year of the Rat!) Leap Years Day, Black History Month… Why should such a short month have more special days than say August? August really doesn’t have any internationally known holidays, does it? Why is pipsqueak little arctic-like February hogging them all? Cough one up!

There seem to be no reasons for these sorts of things—like there are no reasons why poor February winds up with only 28 days most years and 29 this year just for the heck of it. Yeah, yeah, I know. There’s a perfectly legitimate excuse for why we add an extra day to February every four years—something about the earth’s rotation around the sun and the year not being quite 365 days. Sure, but why do we have to have 365 days in a year anyway? Why not 182 and ½? There’s no law saying the year has to be certain length is there?

Thirty days hath September,
April, June and November.
All the rest have thirty-one.
Except for Leap Year—that’s the time
When February’s days turn twenty-nine.

These things race through a blonde writer’s head when she’s under a deadline, and she can’t think of anything in particular to write for her monthly column. Sure, she could revert back to the funny bits about Valentine prezzies that didn’t quite say “romance” and the dangers of gorging on chocolate, but those topics have all been done to death. There’s got to be something original to say about February, right?

What about not concentrating on the shortness of the month or the multitude of the holidays or the silly heart-shaped boxes of candy and dozens of roses? Let’s just look at the month itself: In the northern hemisphere, it’s mid-winter, usually the coldest time of the year. Kids really don’t get a vacation from school for any of these holidays, but they occasionally get snow days off. And if you’re lucky enough to be born on Leap Day… Well, you only celebrate a birthday every four years.

Now that I’m middle-aged that actually sounds pretty good to me. Every four years you have a legitimate excuse to party hard—you might even received four times the average number of gifts, too?

March brings spring, and in its own peculiar way February brings hope. Hope that it’s only a short time left in the harshness of winter before the warmth and promise of spring arrives. Perhaps that’s its biggest contribution to the calendar after all. Short and sweet as those heart-shaped Valentine message candies, February is about hope, hope that all these holidays will sweep us happily and healthily into the rest of the year. (Editor’s note: Chocolate has been declared a health food, by the way. It’s one of the major food groups now… It ranks up there right under ice cream above fruits and veggies. Honest.)

And, now that the Blonde Writer has made it through the first column of her newly renamed blog site, she feels somewhat more inspired. She might get through those book edits in her inbox after all… in a few weeks’ time. The muse, once lulled asleep by stress and constant life change in the last year, takes a bit of rousing to get back on track. But hopefully come the shortest month next year, she’ll have found her writing rhythm once more, and, as they say in the fairy tales, “She lives happily ever after."